UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADY OF THE DAY !

Hello Miss P. J. Soles, I love the way you tease me with your bad girl next door attitude. But I know you are not girl next door. I know because I look in her window and she is fat and gross and has hairy legs like Mo'nique. I just threw up. No really.
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You can rock and roll my high school any day.

Whoops, I think your nighty might be slipping... so naughty.

Oh no, she fall off. Oh well, I stare at you anyway.

She looks like she could use a beer. Hey Bob, get this bitch a beer!

What is happening? This is not proper way to use telephone. This would not happen with cordless.

Time to rock puppets!

COFFIN"S SCREAMING SATURDAY!

THE POLL IS CLOSED.

Okay now I know what you like about American woman. Big boobies come in at number one, then firm ass at two with a hairy private in the three. I see no one cares about long tongue on woman, sorry to you Gene Simmons. She's very ugly and wears too much make-up anyway. I kid, no really.

In this picture I find girl who have all winning qualities. A good brain and warm heart, no I kid again. I think you can see her two main qualities drooping down on her left and right. Anyway the poll is closed, but my poll is now open. So lady in picture call me, no really.



I think I have that couch. No really I bought at yard sale. I wonder if it is same couch? I go smell couch now to see.

HURRAH FOR HOLLYWOOD!

This film documents one of my most rewarding and fulfilling nights in my career, that I ever blacked out during-no really! It's like I'm experiencing the Halloween II premiere for the 1st time when I see : my fans, the red carpet, the stars (including the scrumptious Sheri moon zombie Grrrrrrrr) and let's not forget those naughty twincesses on each of my knees back at the hotel...about to crack me like a wishbone! I no joke! They did however graciously leave me with Orchidalgia-(you can google that term fellas).

Thank you Mr Robert Zombie for my 2nd act. And also a big thanks to the sexy senoritas in housekeeping at the Roosevelt who aided in my recovery- I'd still be there today if it wasn't for that pesky hotel dick-No really!

COFFIN'S HORROR BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUTS!

The amazing JACK HILL was born on this day in 1933. Jack has directed some of Uncle Coffin's favorite films starring Pam Grier huge boobies. He is genius! No really!

LET'S GET RIPPED!

I get tears in my eyes every time I hear my childhood idol sing such beautiful song. He make all the ladies scream. No really.

UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADIES OF THE DAY !

Here are two of my favorite puppets The Poubelle Twins. They go by the names of Bibi and Fifi but I just call them "Yes Mommy". They get me in many strong holds in my tight places. Ouch! No really.


Watch them in action. It is like Russian porno film only less violent. I kid. No really I kid.

I AM STAR in COMIC BOOK

LOOK AT ME I AM BEAUTIFUL. This is how artist see me for my comic book debut. I will now be featured in upcoming issue of WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BARON VON SHOCK? I don't know who he is and I don't care. This is about me. No really I am going to be comic book superstar.

UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADY OF THE DAY

I have many request to feature this next young lady. I myself am quite conflicted by this one since she looks so much like Gretchen Coffins my Mother from old country. I am your humble servant and want to please so enjoy Lily Munster.



Kashmir told me this is also Miss Lily. If so I take it all back about Mother Coffins. I very much would like to play with these funbags if Mr. Herman gives oaky. No really.

COFFIN'S HORROR BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUTS!

TOBY HOOPER


RAY DENNIS STECKLER


DON MANCINI

NASTY UNCLE - NASTY TWINS

Another mind-blowing piece of cinema history is coming your way very soon. So keep your pants on... unless you are sexy lady then free free to go without pants. No really.

UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADY OF THE DAY !

Here is pictures of woman named Elvira. She inspire me to leave old country and follow my dreams. So i move to Hollywood and start dating young women with very large boobies. No really. I thank her for idea.

I want to drive expensive car like she does.

I get tattoo in my chest.

I even go to beach at night. I do everything she do, except get rich and famous.

TWINS

I told you I love the twins. Here I am at the premiere of my feature film UNCLE COFFINS SEX PARTY... sometimes known as HALLOWEEN 2. We never made it inside the movie due to uptight asshole theater manager frowning upon sex games in the ladies poop room. No really he took offense. In my country we have sex in public toilet everyday. Just ask Kashmir.

UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADIES OF THE DAY !

Uncle Coffins love to party with twins! So today I present some very nasty twins for your fun. No really.

These girls play vampire, but unlike new style vampire seen in The Twilights these girls clothes fall off if wind blows.

They like big hats.

Sometimes no shirts are needed at all. I believe this is way American woman should dress all the time. No really.

Now this is how you greet travelers to your Dracula castle. "Good evening, you must be tired. Would you like to enjoy our four breasts?".

They look good on poster.

I guess some vampire do not shave private area. This is smart due to cold winters in Transylvanian mountains.

HELP!

Last night I have too much fun and lose my car. If you see Kashmir tell him I am sorry. I did not know his pet parrot Larry Lovelips was in trunk. LARRY COME HOME! I ruin everything.

UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADY OF THE DAY

While traveling across the pond I encounter this little cupcake . She goes by name of Valerie Leon but I call her "hey baby show me me your lovely coconuts". I joke, no really.

I am sad she wear such big undergarments. Is she afraid of Russian winter?

I love her in The Italian Job. She can give me an Italian job any day. No seriously any day works for me.

FAKE FATTY COFFINS!

Oh my fans are so creative but I worry they are too fat like pig to properly portray me. I am tall and sexy not a chubby tub of fatty man boobie. But that's is okay I know you love me like expensive Las Vegas call girl.

HEY PUPPETS!

My puppets remember this? We had so much fun under the stars. Special hello to the Gilmore triplets, you make a ghost host very happy with your very bendable body parts. Sorry for my car, she is too small for proper sex action.

GOODBYE DR. CREEP... REST IN PEACE

DR. CREEP 1942-2011
A dear ghoul has left us too soon. Thank you for the fiendish memories and the horrible fun. You will be missed my brother in horror.

BEHIND THE SCENES OF CREATURE FEATURE

Here I stand waiting for inspiration to hit. Some people think being this funny genius is easy work. I think very hard before delivering the comedy goods. No really.

UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADY OF THE DAY

My blonde foxy lady Julie Ege wears exactly Uncle's favorite style of bathing suit. None.


Strange chest armor, I think this would not prove to be effective in battle. Maybe battle with my pants?


Why does she wear such large tops. Please feel free to let it all hang out. I know I am.

Holiday With Mommy

This is film of very important trip I take to Big Apple with my Mommy. She had lots of sex before she become too old to find rich man.

UNCLE COFFINS SEXY LADY OF THE DAY

Say hello to my sexy friend Ingrid Pitt. There are two things I love about this woman and both of them help keep her dress up. No, no I joke. But seriously she is the type of woman my mommy would love... love to have a three way with!
So dirty must get clean in the tub, but the tub has barely any water. So sad.

I think I can see something naughty.

Drinking and filming

Maybe I should stay away from the bottle while I am filming.

Coffins promo 1

ROB ZOMBIE | Myspace Music Videos

MY SHOW

Here is promo for my show. I know you love me like a Russian whore.

Uncle Seymore Coffins' Creature Double-Feature

Uncle Seymour | Myspace Video